danni: my work is my body

We met Danni Spooner at a workshop we hosted at big. in London, and immediately felt a deep connection. In this conversation, Danni shares how their work is inseparable from their body—and how they’ve come to accept that they won’t always be fully understood. We’re so grateful for this honest exchange, which reminds us that no two journeys—or desires—are ever the same.

Danni is still in the process of letting go of shame, learning to fully accept their desires. But they’re doing the work—because they know that’s where deep joy lives, and where true well-being begins. Thank you, Danni, for sharing your story. Make sure to follow them right here.

Hi Danni, we’re so excited for this chat. Could you start by giving our readers a bit of insight into who you are and how you’re feeling at the moment?

hey sitre crew :-)

my name is danni spooner (they/them) and i'm a model and dancer. i founded an entirely trans+ erotica magazine called Playthey (currently on a break whilst I focus on my ACA recovery). i garden, i talk to my neighbourhood, i love fungi and i appreciate the rain. at the moment i'm feeling consistently up and down; i believe where we are at this moment in time is scary for any marginalised folk and anyone who cares about marginalised folk. i believe we are collectively going through something that is energetically difficult. i think we are experiencing late-stage capitalism and white suprematist attempts to grip onto control. i think, together we’ll get through it with a lot of community care and decolonising practices.

What is intimacy to you?
i think intimacy is anything that feels emotionally vulnerable. i do not think sex is explicitly intimate and that intimacy can be found in so many small and soft moments. i think there is intimacy in a friend playing with your hair, there is intimacy in the care between me and my garden. sometimes, there is so much intimacy in catching someone's eye when you are admiring each-other.

How do you think sexual wellness connects to broader mental and emotional well-being?
i think it’s really important to work through our sexualities and desires, to cultivate a sexual wellness for ourselves and to practice this with ourselves and with others (entirely different skills i believe.)

what this question makes me think of the most is the shame around sexuality and desire. i know that i have been burdened with shame around sex and intimacy - it is still something i am working through!

i think there is something really freeing that happens when we accept our sexuality for what it is in the moment, letting it flow however it flows and accepting our desires, no matter how tame or exciting. i believe that once we work through those things and act on what we desire, we experience pleasure and joy in a way that really broadens our well-being. there is something so expansive about letting go of judgement and saying “i enjoyed that” - to keep it that simple. or “i want to try ______ because it turns me on.” to cultivate enough self-love that we allow ourselves the freedom to live within our sexual and intimate needs and desires.

Inclusivity is a major theme in your work. What do you think is currently missing in the mainstream conversation about sex and intimacy when it comes to representing diverse identities?
to say that inclusivity is a “theme in my work” would be an understatement to a lived experience and a moral/political compass.

my work is my body and my body is trans. my body is white and working-class and neurodivergent/trauma’d and hyperextended and strong and not-skinny-but-slim-thick, surviving an ED and a repairing nervous system and sober. my body is many things and in all my work, my body is seen. these things (white/working class/etc. list) are also my soul and spirit.

my work is to communicate myself through my body and sometimes voice. my work is also to not hold onto hope that i am entirely understood. a lot of the time others' perceptions of me are placed onto my body, and i play a fantasy to somebody else. there is a line between playing pretend and being told who you are. how much i accept that is my choice and money usually talks.

especially in this political climate, my body, my spirit and my community learn how to stand strong against a resistance to acceptance.

i think what is missing is any conversation at all; there are whispers every so often, but most often, conversations around sex and intimacy amongst diverse identities (not-white, not-able-bodied, not-cis, etc.) are on the deep threads of reddit forums which are the same places we often find our healthcare advice. (or maybe they are hidden in self-funded zines.)

Have you ever felt any taboos around sex and intimacy - if so, how did you tackle them?
oh yes, massively! whether it be polyamory, kinks or literally any type of desire, it is an ongoing practice to work those taboos out of my body and mind.

i tackle taboos by disengaging with the cishet/colonial narrative (or try my best to!) i look towards folk who are living fulfilling and honest sexual lives. i'm inspired by those who are daring enough to be vulnerable and explore pleasure. i think to myself about what turns me on and then, when I'm ready, i go into the world to explore that. i talk to my friends about sex (i am yet to be comfortable enough with gentle intimacy with friends, but I am working on it!) and i listen to sex workers.

i also engage in conversation around sex/intimacy; i find different perspectives. i listen, i unlearn, i take one step at a time. i work on honesty, i give myself acceptance and i work through the shame and move towards play.

danni: my work is my body

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